WORDS FROM THE Js

                                                                                       WORDS FROM THE Js

I woke up earlier today not only to the melodious tunes of the singing birds that the moist breeze of dawn had carried far, but to a message from the first J. 1st J is someone I've always admired from the first time I entered my English class in Level 100. We were both vocal in class, and she loved to ask questions. I admired her a lot and have seen her grow to be that lady of substance who brightens every corner.

 She wanted to know if I had plans of holding any leadership position in the English Department as she was doing the same in another department. I told her I would've if not for the challenges I faced on my way to the top. Most of the time, some of my colleagues think of me as the girl I was. Every time they see me, they see who I was. So when she asked if I wanted to be any of that, I smiled and said, “the world indeed has bigger hope in me than I ever did.”

After telling her about the challenge and why I didn't have any plans for it, she said, "Awwwwww. I am so sorry I didn't know about what you were going through but regardless, I am glad you're working on it and you will definitely be fine. Trust me, you have so much in you than you can even imagine. There is something about your voice and the way you speak that is really soothing, and I will encourage you to be intentional about it. For now, you can take your time to heal and get very better and still be that girl you want to be... all you have to do is begin from somewhere, no matter how small."

Coincidentally, I had a chat with the 2nd J probably an hour or two after the texts from 1st J. He is someone who has held me down through this journey, and even though I feel so comfortable with being vulnerable in front of him, I couldn't let him see the tears this morning. I wanted to let him know how tired I was of trying, but every word of his hammered on "no matter how bad the past and current circumstances are, since you were once able to do it, you can still do it," and so I held those tears and now shed them.

He wants to see me successful, disciplined, and climbing that ladder steadily. So many times, I have given up, so many times! I wake up and don't have the zeal and willingness to continue, but he and the others wouldn't let me just give up, not so soon and not ever. I've come a long way trying, I've been crying since but this isn't social media algorithms, but the universe, raising people to tell me I can still be that girl, I can still win regardless of the past. I CAN!!!! The interesting thing about it is their names, Jos..... and Jos..... . They say health is wealth, but MENTAL HEALTH??? It is EVERYTHING.......